


Please

by Thisandthisand_this



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Angst, Crying, Hurt No Comfort, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Marauders Era (Harry Potter), Regulus Black Deserves Better, Regulus Black Feels, Regulus Black Needs a Hug, Regulus Black-centric, Sirius Black Needs a Hug, The Noble and Most Ancient House of Black
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-16
Updated: 2021-02-16
Packaged: 2021-03-17 19:22:38
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,395
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29476929
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Thisandthisand_this/pseuds/Thisandthisand_this
Summary: The last times the Black brothers said please to each other
Relationships: Regulus Black & Sirius Black, Sirius Black/Remus Lupin
Comments: 3
Kudos: 40





	Please

‘You think you’re the only one who’s hurting’ he screamed, ’You think you’re the only one they hurt and lock away in their room.’ Regulus stood there, tears streaming down his face, the pain he’d worked so hard to hide, written on his face for anyone to read.

‘You say you protect me but you don’t, do you even understand what I do for you? While you get to be your real self in Gryffindor I’m forced to be someone I’m not. For every black mark you place on this family I have to make up for it two times over. I cover for your mistakes! Do you even know how much pressure I’m under. Remember to get into Slytherin, Regulus make sure to get the highest marks Regulus, don’t disappoint us Regulus.

I have to work twice as hard just to get them to notice me and keep them away from you. Because even with you claiming otherwise, they never cared about me! I’ve always been the spare, the unwanted son and even now, no matter how much you drag the Black name through the mud. No matter how much you embarrass this family, no matter how much you break their hearts, they still want you more.’

Voice hoarse from screaming, Regulus took a shuddering breath. The hysteria which he found himself swept up in went as fast as it came and he found himself slumped against the hallway wall, all life drained out of him. Not having the energy to keep up with the pretence of everyday life, Regulus let himself slide down against the wall until his head was hidden behind his knees. Slowly he allowed his head to raise and locked eyes with his brother who had been so shocked by this outburst, he just stood there, unmoving. Grey eyes met grey and the younger begged the older to see how much they were hurting, implored them to just listen for once.

‘I protected you Sirius, not because I have to but because you are my older brother and you’ve been protecting me our whole childhood. What kind of brother would I be if I didn’t do the same.’ The sound of a head hitting the wall behind it echoed down the silent halls.

Sirius took the moment to look at his brother. He remembered seeing Regulus for the first time, a baby in his mother’s arms and how he promised himself that he would protect him. That he would do whatever he could to soothe his brother’s pains. But now seeing his brother as a mere shadow of himself, crumpled in the hallway, head laid against the wall, tears streaming down his cheeks, Sirius realises that he can’t protect his baby brother from this, how he hasn’t been protecting him for a while now. When did it all go so wrong.

With his eyes closed, Regulus spoke up in whisper as if he almost didn’t want Sirius to hear.  
‘You say I am weak Sirius, naive, that I know nothing. You are wrong. I know the pain of sitting away in my bedroom having to listen to my brother scream out with pain, knowing that as soon as your screams stop, it's my turn. I know that every time summer ends and you get to go back to your friends, you sleep with a smile on your face surrounded by people that love you but I get to sleep with my brother’s rejection fresh in my mind and knowing the only person who’s ever cared for me is a house elf miles away from me. I know what it’s like to stare in a mirror and not recognise the person looking back at me. I know what it's like to want to claw at my skin, to want to watch myself bleed just to prove to myself I’m not the perfect person our parents make me be. To feel something different for once. I know that if they could, our parents would replace me with you at any given moment and that if they could disown me instead of you, they would. They wouldn’t even hesitate. And I know that while you’ll always be my brother, I haven’t been yours for a while now.

But you are right about one thing Siri, I am weak. Despite all they do, I still love our parents, our family. I am proud to be a Black, and I will always try to make them proud. You know what’s expected of us, and without you here. Well without you here, I don’t think I’ll be able to say no. I’m scared Siri. I’m scared of what will happen to me when you're gone, what our parents will do. I’m scared that I won’t have the choice to say no and I’ll end up dead in a ditch before I’ve even had a chance to live.

And I know all of this makes me weak, but I’m sorry, I’ve never been brave like you. I’m sorry I’ve never been good enough for you.’

Startled by the feeling of a hand on his cheek, Regulus opened his eyes to see his brother looking at him, tears gathering in his own eyes. Letting himself relax into what he knew was the last moment he would have with his brother, he spoke for a final time.

‘I should call you selfish for trying to leave, should accuse you. Ask how dare you? How dare you leave me here with them? Don’t you care? But I won’t. You need to leave, I see that. Leave while you can Sirius, not all of us have that luxury. Go’ With one last look at his brother, Sirius grabbed his trunk and fled into the night.

At least that’s how the night could’ve gone. Instead Regulus stood in his bedroom, hearing his enraged mother chase his brother out of the house. Neither brother got the closure they deserved that night. Instead, Regulus stood there facing the window and watched his brother run, realising he really was alone now. He felt a stray tear trace its way down his cheeks and closed his eyes, allowing himself to drop his facade, just for a moment.

‘Please Sirius. Please come back’

Sirius couldn’t stand mirrors anymore. He learnt this the hard way one evening when after a few too many beers he snapped and Remus came home to find his boyfriend sobbing, cradling a bloody wrist while surrounded by shards of glass. Sirius always knew they looked alike, people always said they could’ve been twins, but he never realised how much until he looked into that mirror and saw him. The man staring back at him had become his brother. No not a man, the kid. God he was just a kid, he’d just turned eighteen. His stupid fucking kid brother. How could he have been so stupid to join them. Sirius thought that he was smarter than that. Better that. And yet here he was six feet under and here Sirius was staring at his grave.

‘Why did you do it? I told you it would get you killed. But you didn’t listen to me did you! You let them drag you into this. You always were weak. And I let this happen! I left you with them!’ Sirius started screaming at the tombstone, tears falling down his face.

‘I left you with them! I left you. God the minute that sorting hat shouted Slytherin I gave up on you, but you were just doing what you needed to survive. I let you slip away and because of that you ended up following a man whose beliefs I know you didn’t believe in. And you died for them too. You fucked up, but I think that’s because I fucked up first.’

With each word he screamed, Sirius felt the pain get worse until he found himself collapsed in a heap in front of the tombstone. He reached out a hand, fingertips shaking as they traced over the dates. 1961-1979.  
‘Eighteen. You didn’t even know your NEWT results yet. Bet they were all perfect though.’  
The shouting had become whispering, words trying form between the sobs.

‘I’m sorry. I’m so fucking sorry. I left you all those years ago and you’ve paid the price.’  
Hours passed and Sirius remained there.

‘Please Regulus. Please come back.’


End file.
